The Journey of Sacred Union
Fulfilling mission and purpose on the road to sacred union
My children came to me recently to remind me that I owe them the debt of life. I’ve always wanted to be a father. But I realized early on that I didn’t want to have children with just anyone. I knew that in order to have the children I wanted I would need to find the right partner who was ready and willing to be their mother. Now I realize I had the order of operations backwards. In order to have the children I want, I must first become the man who is worthy of their mother.
Around the time my most recent partnership was coming apart Aubrey released a podcast about he and Vylana’s journey from rolemate, soulmate, to wholemate, which put my journey on the road to sacred union into perspective.
My first parter was my rolemate. We came together when we were young and still figuring out who we were and what we wanted. Early in the relationship she let me know she didn’t want children, and I didn’t know myself well enough to know that was a dealbreaker.
So I decided what we had would have to be enough, while holding onto the hope that things might change. Things did change. But not in the ways either of us had expected.
We planned for a life of relative economic parity and partnership. But as things turned out I became the provider and protector for our little family. Spending years practicing law doing work I had little interest in to support us and buy a home. Meanwhile she became a homemaker and spent much of her days preparing two gourmet meals a day that became the highlight of my life.
I had no expectation that it was her job to feed me, but her joy was cooking, and she offered her meals to me out of love and a desire to make her contribution to the household. Which provided me with physical and emotional nourishment as I engaged in life draining work.
After several years it became clear that our arrangement was unsustainable. I had built a home in which neither of us was happy. I ended the romantic relationship to spare her from being in the house as it burned. But after the romantic relationship ended she stayed and got burned anyway.
That was due to a lack of discernment and courage on my part. Though we never married, I continued to feel responsible for her after the romantic relationship ended. But eventually I lit the match anyway out of desperation and a desire to change life circumstances that felt hopelessly stuck.
Eventually that fire evicted us from our home and we came apart. It would have been better for everyone if I had set a firm boundary after the romantic relationship ended and separated. But I mistook my weakness for kindness, at the expense of my integrity.
In some ways we were good rolemates. In most we were not. Though we had a deep connection and a lot of love for one another, we never made it to soulmates. While there was potential there, we never developed the deep spiritual connection that comes from both people knowing themselves deeply and finding compatibility. Unhappy as rolemates and unable to be soulmates, we never made it to wholemates.
With my most recent partner we started out as soulmates. We spent years figuring that out in the relative safety of online correspondences and occasional in person meetings, which were always electric and magical. We came into a home to become rolemates and see if we could find our way to wholemates.
By that time the vision for Ramaka had already come in, but was still a glimmer in my eye. I knew it was my destiny, but I didn’t know when I would get there or how. I hoped we might figure it out together.
The terms and conditions of our rolemate relationship were that we would start out as roommates. That was the right thing to do given our choice to move in together so early in the romantic relationship. Moreover, the house of my old life had just burned to the ground and I was not yet prepared to become a provider and protector again.
Soon after we moved in together I decided to get practical and go back to practicing law. That was the right thing to do given the choices I had made. I ended up getting a good job I enjoyed making the world a better place. It wasn’t my soul mission and purpose, but maybe it would be good enough. Maybe it would provide the financial means for me to be more of a provider and Ramaka would be born from the foundation of our happy home.
But things didn’t quite work out that way. After a year I got laid off, and Hurricane Helene revealed the ways in which I was abdicating my role as protector and provider. Being soulmates wasn’t enough, not when we were functioning as roommates at the rolemate level. If I could not provide for my family and protect them I could not expect them to trust my vision for Ramaka, which was still the inchoate fantasy of my inner Divine Child.
I almost gave up on my vision during the course of the relationship. I pushed it off into the future. Maybe it would happen in 20 years I thought, after I had comfortably retired from practicing law.
It turns out a man who abandons his mission and purpose in life earns neither the respect of his family nor worldly success. I became a shadow of myself. The culmination of everything within me that was not yet Adama.
As I left the home and committed to becoming Adama the energy of Ramaka took hold of me once more. It came in like a storm and swept away all but my most essential possessions. First and foremost I must be committed to truth, and can no longer settle for false comforts.
Ramaka is the cornerstone of my next home that shall be a temple. I cannot invite anyone else to live in it until construction is complete. To build it I must forsake comfort, safety, and security. Until the work is done I can neither provide for another nor protect them. Because I am only interested in being alive in a world in which Ramaka has been born.
My children are the decedents of Adama, founder of Ramaka. I am in the early stages of becoming Adama, and have just joined the battle to win Ramaka. I have much work to do before I am ready to be a husband and father. Until that work is done I will be worthy of neither.
I am grateful for clarity, even though the truth has hard lines and stark edges. Until I have birthed Ramaka I will take neither wife nor lover. My vital energy must be conserved and retained for the creation of a world worthy of my family. Until my wife and I are joined in matrimony I commit myself to the life of a monk.
This is the level of commitment, devotion, and clarity my family deserves and requires of me. The work before me requires my unwavering devotion to truth. A lesser man does not deserve to be the father of my children, husband to my wife, nor the founder of Ramaka.
There are parts of me that still quake at the path I have chosen and the work before me. There are parts of me that yearn for the illusion of freedom that comes with uncertainty. There are parts yet that want to quit and go live somebody else’s life. But I see now that my life is the only one in which I am truly alive.
The price of clarity is that the opportunities to exercise free will become vanishingly small. When I find the parts of myself that want to quit I let them, then sit with the reality that I’m still here and have to do the work anyway. I will break as many times as I need to in order to become unbreakable. There is no longer any other choice.
My words will sound harsh to some and my path radical. Both things are true. I sincerely wish there was another way. I’ve been searching for an easier approach. I’ve been trying to find a gentler way. But all that those other paths have taught me is the ways in which I have not been in integrity with truth. To get where I’m going I must be impeccable.
Not every vision requires this level of commitment or self sacrifice. There are many ways to have a beautiful life. A comfortable home and happy family are among the greatest treasures one can have. I had hoped to disappear into those things and live out the rest of my life in obscurity.
But that is not my Dharma and I cannot bring myself to pray for less than the good of all and consent to the work that has been given to me. We all have our role to play, and no two are alike. All we can do is get clear on what our role is and do it with steadfast commitment and complete trust.
RAMAKA KRIYA
Ramaka Kriya is universalist in that it honors the truth in all religions. It is tantric in that it views every human experience as an opportunity to learn, grow, and gain greater intimacy with God. In Ramaka Kriya we seek to live a life of skillful means through the righteous use of energy, and to bring ourselves into ever greater integrity with truth and love.
SATSANGS
Ramaka Kriya Satsangs are a co-created immersive that gathers kindred spirits to deepen self realization through the use of effective spiritual practices, song, and community. Satsang is a sacred occasion where we gather together to be in the company of truth. During a Ramaka Kriya Satsang you can expect to deepen your heart's capacity for love and your mind's absorption in meditative awareness. At the Satsang you will learn the Ramaka Kriya meditation practices, which involve the use of pranayama, mudras, and mantras to facilitate purification and opening of the subtle body to deepen meditative awareness and self realization.
I have begun traveling and teaching Ramaka Kriya to raise funds for Ramaka Temple. If you would like to sponsor an event please reach out.
MEDICINE COUNSEL
I offer mediation services and consultations on entheogenic law and integration coaching through Medicine Counsel.