Possessed by a Vision

I have been possessed by a vision of truth, and will not rest until it is fulfilled.

I have been possessed by a vision of truth, and will not rest until it is fulfilled. 

When federal agents knocked on my door days before Good Friday to search my house and confiscate the sacraments of our church, everything in me and my life that wasn’t absolutely true died. I can honestly say this testing has been one of the greatest blessings of my life, as yet another opportunity to release the preferences of the small self and surrender more fully to the divine will. 

I have to admit, I had a hard few days after it happened. I worried about what people might think. I worried about what consequences might follow. My inner good boy who has never had more than a speeding ticket was mortified. 

These feelings manifested as a knot in my stomach that I methodically untied over the course of a few days by surrendering my preferences one by one,  and sinking more deeply into my faith that this too is serving the highest good. As each knot was untied I felt myself get a little lighter, and found bliss around the time I began contemplating starting a prison ministry and turning my cell into an ashram. 

When crisis strikes I find it’s useful to walk myself through every possible scenario - the good, the bad, and the ugly - and find the perfection in each. By the time I’m finished I usually find myself abiding in bliss and equanimity, ready to accept whatever outcome may come to pass. 

But something has been different about this time. The events of the past few weeks have lit a fire in me I’ve never felt before. 

As I mentioned in a previous newsletter, according to a Daoist reading from my friend Brad I have vacancies in vision, passion, and expression. Equanimity has always come easily for me, to the point that it has often been difficult to have a positive vision of the future or much interest in the present. 

Well dear reader, that has changed. 

I’ve found my vision, my voice, and a burning implacable passion.

On the March new moon I found myself outside of Colorado Springs with some folks who had attended our last ceremonies at Bridge to One. We had stayed in touch, and it turned out they were so inspired by our work that they decided to move to Colorado to do something similar.

The universe initially rolled out the red carpet to get them there. Almost as soon as they set the intention they connected with a friend who owned a house he wanted to turn into a retreat space. But a few months into the project differences arose, and things ultimately imploded. 

However, despite this setback they decided to continue working towards their vision - so I agreed to come visit with them for a week to hold ceremony and pray together. 

In the Native American Church they refer to a vision quest as “crying for a vision.” I guess you could say I’ve been on a sort of vision quest ever since things fell apart in Austin, and that the quest became a cry with Parker’s passing in October. 

Parker and I started Smiling Jaguar Retreats two weeks after leaving Bridge to One, but we both felt that we were still in the death phase of the old vision. Smiling Jaguar was a means of continuing to do the work, and a choice to keep the dream alive. But the next big thing had not yet come into view. 

The work of Smiling Jaguar has been an ongoing prayer for the medicine and community. That community solidified with Parker’s passing, when with less than 48 hours notice over two hundred people showed up at the hospital to express their love and gratitude. 

When Parker’s family asked for memorial donations to go to Smiling Jaguar I knew it was time to file the paperwork for the church of The Infinite Way. I ended up filing the paperwork exactly six months after I made the last batch of medicine at Bridge to One.

Once the paperwork was filed I simply continued the ministry we started together. But it still didn’t quite feel like we had entered the reason of resurrection. Things were still very much in a death phase. 

From the moment I landed in Colorado I knew I had entered enchanted territory. My body and soul remembered this place in a deep and visceral way, and everywhere I went magic and synchronicity followed. 

My friends and I ended up renting a cabin for the weekend in the mountains outside of Colorado Springs. The day of ceremony we hiked up into the wilderness until we found a place that spoke to our hearts and had a ceremony honoring the new moon.

The place that was most beautiful to our hearts turned out to be this beautiful old tree that was charred by a wildfire. Behind it is a forest of its children, all similarly charred to black skeletons. 

We began our ceremony by building a makeshift altar at the base of the tree, to honor it as the leader of the trees of this region. Then we built a sacred fire under its branches and proceeded to have our ceremony. 

That ceremony turned out to be the cremation grounds for the vision of the previous cycle. All the hopes, dreams, and hard feelings of the past year were left at the base of that grandfather tree, to remain with the ashes of the standing dead. 

After our cremation ceremony we started making our way back to the cabin. We hardly could have imagined what would come next. 

Our walk back seemed to take at least four times longer than our walk to the cremation grounds, and just as I started thinking we had gotten lost we entered a place of golden liquid light and shimmering love. We walked together through this enchanted land with awe and reverent gratitude - no longer caring if we were lost. 

Then we came to the point of the mountain directly above our cabin and began our downward descent. We weren’t lost after all. But when we looked across the way we noticed something we hadn’t seen before. 

There in the distance at the top of the mountain we noticed something strange. There was a rock cliff that looked like a large building. As we continued to look closer we began to see more. It wasn’t just a building…it was a city of light, with residents,  stairs, and crafts flying above it…and we all saw the same vision. 

Then when I mentally greeted the city of light and its residents something strange happened. A current of energy flowed into my third eye and began to pour out of my mouth. It was my heart language, known not by my mind, but understood by my soul. 

There was a long discourse. Much was shared, but what was clear was that this was my home. This particular place on Earth was touched by god and co-created with my own soul. This is where I was to construct the citadel of light and healing sanctuary I’ve been building in my mind’s eye for years. 

Eventually we made our way to the cabin. But the magic continued to flow through every part of our time together. 

That night we started looking at land on Zillow. In no time we found some promising lots that seemed to have a lot of potential.  

The next day we contacted a realtor and notified him that we wanted to look at some nearby properties, and that I would only be in town for a short time. Miraculously he had a cancellation that evening and was able to meet with us. 

The first lot we looked at was close, but not quite what we were looking for. It felt like a place you go through to get somewhere else. 

So we decided to keep looking. The next day we met with the realtor again, this time to look at two adjoining lots located directly across the valley from where we had our cremation ceremony. They total forty acres, and adjoin over 3,000 acres of public land. 

The properties turned out to be about the same elevation as Chavin at 10,000 feet above sea level, and include the highest lookout point in the area. The views are breathtaking, and almost everywhere you look is untouched beauty. 

Except that when you look behind you and off to the left you can see a mountain being systematically demolished for gold. Even in heaven on Earth you can still see mankind’s hellish nature. 

It’s perfect, with a little of the right kind of wrong. 

After we got back to the cabin I started researching. In November 2022 Colorado voters passed a ballot initiative decriminalizing natural medicines, which includes mushrooms, huachuma, and ayahuasca. Early next year they will open applications to be a licensed facilitator, and in September of 2024 applications will open to be a natural healing center. 

The gold mine’s permit expires in 2025 and will be up for renewal. 

The message was clear, here at the edge of destruction is where I make my stand. 

Before I left Colorado I filed the paperwork for Ramaka, Inc., a public benefit corporation, to buy the land and build my healing sanctuary. 

Before I left I set the intention to sell my house and move to Colorado as soon as possible. But the timing of when all that might happen remained unclear…at least until the March full moon when the feds came to my door and served me with an eviction notice from Kentucky. 

Within days of the raid we completed the 501(c)(3) application for the church of The Infinite Way, which is in the process of being filed with the IRS. The Board also passed a resolution recognizing Ramaka as a ministry of the church, and appointed me head minister.

When you are gifted with a vision, you become possessed by the truth. Ramaka is not yet, but will soon be. It is an inevitable as the rising of the sun and the transits of the moon. 

I am simply honored to have found my reason for being, and to have been given a vision to serve.